Today

Today, I realize that I'm the least perfect person. For, seeing this, makes me freak the hell out. I just am kind of used to projecting this air of "confidence" about me. And then I realize that I'm not as confident as I want to be.

I spend everyday of my life living in Murphy's Law. You know the one, everything that can go wrong, will. That one. If one thing is going perfect, something else goes wrong. And then I sit there wondering why I can't just have a good thing.

Of course I want to change. I know I do...but I just can't help it. The pressure just builds until I break down, and then it's like 'how do I change it?' How do I make it seem like it's not going to come crashing down on me? I can't take it anymore...

And then there are those I've "alienated"....

Two of my "best friends" have jumped ship on me, either because their childish, fat, ugly, uncaring 12 year old girlfriends have told them to, and the other one because apparently I'm not capable of having a decent conversation with him without turning it into something sexual.... I've come to realize that yeah, losing you two hurt...but I'm stronger than you think I am. I've bounced back, and I've stopped hurting myself to hurt you! I've grown up. You need to as well.

Whether it's the United States Marine Corps, or NASCAR village that's keeping us apart, you two were the best friends I've ever had, and one day....you'll look back and go, "damn, losing her was the worst thing I've ever done."

And when that happens...I'll be there screaming 'I told you so!'

Today, I realize that my perfection is.....a state of mind. I'm perfect in my own way...and that's all I really need.